Liverpool Lay

Role model Steven Gerrard is the subject of a vicious rumour currently spreading like wildfire. Allegedly he's been cheating with a 16 year old girl from Liverpool who is now pregnant.

Clearly this story has no merit.

What girl from Liverpool waits until she is 16 before she gets pregnant?

Anyway, last I heard, Gerrard was in London recording the England World Cup song with Gary Glitter and Bill Wyman.

And former 'nail technician' wife Alex Curran is allegedly carrying on with Derby County's Kris Commons, whose partner had their first child in January.

In other news, police cordoned off Liverpool city centre this morning when a suspicious object was discovered in a car.

It turned out to be a tax disc.

Just kidding - I have nothing against Liverpool as a city. Very friendly. Been there three times and was only attacked once - in January 1977. [The Liverpool FC rosette that was purchased as part of my cunning plan to avoid further trouble was donated to a bar in Magaluf after Liverpool's European Cup win later that year.]